Let it be.
Firstly, do you even know why I left City Harvest? Have you honestly asked me in person why I left? Forgive me if I have left you out, but the people i recall telling are; Pearlyn, Darren, Rohan, Kai Xiang, Hao Cher.
I'll just summarise what I told all of them. I don't like it in City Harvest anymore. I'm not flaming the church. I just don't like it.
Let's say she never came along. I never got together with her. Where would I be now?
Either:
1. Miserable as fuck staying in the church, feeling miserable forcing myself to serve and attend regularly.
Or 2. Already left the church.
*Any of you, feel free to talk to me regarding my spiritual life and why i dislike City Harvest if you doubt what I've said so far.
So you can see, whether or not she came along wouldn't have had much effect. You say she dragged me away? The word 'drag' connotes that she pulled me out of there against my will. What she did in fact, was help me do what I had been wanting to do for a long time. So in fact, I thank God for her.
You people taught me that the Voice of God was one that calms you. When making the final decision to stay or leave, I was much calmer with the idea of leaving City Harvest and not going back. If i were to stay, I'd be a wreck. I'm going to go with my conscience (aka the Holy Spirit) and say that God told me to leave.
Next, you all have no business in what I choose to do, or even what I choose to believe in. Who, what, where, when, why and how I worship is entirely up to me. I could go and worship Tom Cruise by putting my leg over my head at the void deck of Block 252 amk ave 2 at 1337h with a burning ham on a stick in my mouth, AND IT WOULD STILL BE NONE OF YOUR BLOODY GODDAMN FUCKING BUSINESS.
That's right, I used God and fuck in the same sentence. Shocking.
But I still believe in God. I believe He sent His son to die on the cross for me. And that's all that matters isn't it? John 3:16. That, and I follow the two most important commandments like Jesus said; love God, and love your neighbour. Correct me if I'm wrong.
*Analogy time*
Stop trying to force feed me like some dog. Stop dragging me back to your house. If I'm hungry I'll go find food by myself, and I know other places where I can find it. Strays are happier than dogs abused by their owners.
*Analogy time end*
It's people like you who turn off non-believers from coming to Christ.
It's people like you who make people stop believing God exists.
Truthfully, I'd rather spend eternity in hell than in heaven with you people, if it weren't for the fact that I'd be wasting His sacrifice.
That's it for my side of the story. Time to address certain individual people and groups.
Justin Mao: In case you're wondering. I have, more or less, forgiven you. But I am not going to put my trust in you anytime soon. Not after how you betrayed it. So I am not going to believe a word you say, for a long time. Oh ya. Please get your parents to stop evangelizing mine. It's irritating.
TOFU: Gengar? Seriously. How the fuck would you think that'd work? Since you're speaking in Pokemon terms, I'll speak it too. You don't even have the BALLS to catch a ghastly (your infinite money doesn't work here boy) how would you expect to train one into a haunter. And if you think you're gonna get a gengar by trading; no one ever wants to play with you. ^^
Everyone else caught in the middle: Please, stay out of this. It'll just be one big waste of time for all of you.
Goodbye. God bless you.
I am finished with you.
but your people, they do.
Your bride, she makes mistakes.
That house of Yours I came to
so warm welcoming, exciting.
Now as a member of the household,
I see behind the blinds, facade.
Self-righteousness behind sweet smile.
The owner, landlord.
Kind, forgiving, providing.
But those in the house know no
privacy, restraint.
Blind and deaf they speak.
Hunt you down.
They find you.
Oblivious to the sign on the doorknob;
"DO NOT DISTURB"
Dogs can't read.
But You.
You are the only one that deserves praise.
And You have more house than one.
I am leaving here.
Find another place.
To find You again.
Your people, they fail.
But you never will.
100709
The heart has nothing to do with emotions
Then why.
Why did i feel it being tugged
Why the heartache
When I realised you weren't there with me
To relive that memory of that night.
Reminisce and remember
Love in its purest form.
Keep in mind.
Keep it in heart, the date.
100709
From Yesterday.
Trying to feel feelings
I know they're there
somewhere
But I can't find them
I WANT TO FEEL
But I'm not
Just feel like blogging
for no particular reason
Try to get my thoughts in check
Organised in a straight line
Funny how love works out
One falls behind and drags down the other
Both push each other up
One gets left behind
The other pulls up
And both are higher than before.
Funny...
30 seconds to mars is epic.
From Yesterday contains 1000 Chinese soldiers with flags
"On his face is a map of the world"
That line resonates in me although i have
NO
IDEA
what it's supposed to mean
(or do i?)
so
fun
to
press
the
enter
key
after
every
damn
word
lolz
K you're getting a headache i'll stop with the enter spamming.
CARRY ON MY WAYWARD SON.
THERE'LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE
PUT YOUR WEARY HEAD TO REST
DON'T YOU CRY NO MORE. (boom-boom, boom-boom, KAK!)
ok GOODBYE GUYS.
SO LONG AND GOOD NIGHT.
Hm..
I used to write these epic long blogposts...
Now it's just this.
Maybe it seems more like poetry like this
Just stanzas
of lines
And lines made of words
made up of letters
and pixels.
Anyway.
I was feeling really scared.
Not the kind of screamer movie scared
I'm afraid of my own thoughts.
I'm betraying myself
Something's wrong.
Terrified I actually might do it if the need shows itself.
Now i feel quite happy and calm.
Though i kinda wish tomorrow won't come.
Found comfort ironically
in someone who used to do the opposite for me.
It's doomsday tomorrow.
But I'm still laughing.
God is with me!
I hope.
BEEN A LONG TIME.
A.....shitload has happened these past weeks. months. whatever. if i even MENTION most of them it would take way too long. so all i'll say is.
Happy 1st month. =D
IT IS FINISHED!
There really have been too many things that went on to write about. So I won't.
I was just reading random blogs which i remember the url to for some reason. And I came upon cel's post about SYF. I dunno if it's her writing or me, but it really did make me feel almost like crying. Or maybe it's just cos it's 1 am. Iunno. Makes me wonder why everyone in guitar orch is so... slack. IN a way i GUESS it's good. We're all calm and confident. But... meh. I don't even know what i want to say.
I've just been feeling real shagged these past days. Feels like there's barely anything to look forward to, anything to live for. I know, I know, live for God. It's just that, what does He want me to do now. I have no idea. Well not yet. I pray that I'll pray. That I'll pray for direction. (and if any of you muggers reading this think that i should STUDY, that word is not in my vocabulary. :))
Hehehehhe I'm just posting cos i don't want to sleep. Reminds me of that time I was doing my IOP essay until 2 plus in the morning. Then i decided that if i slept it would only make me sleepy. So i would stay awake. Watching ACROSS THE UNIVERSE! And you know when the initials of the ending song are LSD...you're bound to be high. Yeah the high lasted for.. a few hours.
Anyway, back to the point....what point. Oh ya. Today I did an epic Solid Snake. I sneaked into school at 8 am. After walking half the length of dover road, encountering random bunches of new town kids, dover court kids on ripstiks (whatever they're called, howard has one), and getting bumrushed by 3 uwc people on bikes and a kick scooter. As I entered the back gate, the security guard (chikeong and shengyuan you know who i'm talking about) was all "HURRY UP. QUICKLY. CAMERA WATCHING! GOGOGOGO!" And as i LOLed, i snuck (well, walked) past prefects and student councillors. Or maybe they were just my imagination. Dang paranoia. And as I entered class...Hasson was being himself and not noticing whatever went on around him. Thus was the epic adventures of today morning. I'm so good at this game.
Oh ya, this week was epic cos of all the ponning here and there. Guitar green form guitar. And walking on the glass ceiling of the spaceframe is quite cool indeed. The guitar room is quite awesome. I found a blender in the bottom drawer, that didn't SEEM to work, but you never know.
I've run out of thoughts.
(Shit i feel like writing a song around the previous sentence.)
I've got guitar practice tomorrow morning. Jamming in the afternoon for REW. And on satuday morning i've got that funny leadership thing at nygh. And then playing for p&w at cell. That's a lot of music. Maybe it IS what God wants me to do.. :S
Maybe I'll go write a song or something now. I might not sleep tonight. (Dang there's another nice sounding sentence.)
Anyway, God bless all of you.
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